.wishing well.

2008-01-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

Its weird how harris's words came true for me after he told us about Franz Kafka and how we'd start to notice Kafka, Kafka-esque, Kafka-ish, Kafka-whateverish after he'd intro-ed us to this writer. Heh ohwell at the moment seems like im the only one so acutely aware of the all these terms around us.

Just finished one of his books - Metamorphosis. Some would say its deliciously nightmarish; I swear its pure distopia..

This Russian guy, Gregor Samsa wakes up one morning to find himself helplessly and haplessly stuck in the shell of a human-sized bug. He still possesses human thought, but cannot communicate it to those around him. His family, terrified by this sudden and monstrous change in him, keep him confined to his room for the rest of his days. The story weaves its nuances around Gregor's unconveyed thoughts and how his good intentions are continually misinterpreted as 'attacks' from the 'thing' he has become. Especially gripping is are the descriptions of him trying to manouver his bug's body out of the normal human sleeping position; and the attack by his own father that results in an apple being embedded in his flesh. He ultimately becomes forgotten as a family disgrace and is left to die; but the weird thing I came to realise at the end of the novel was that Gregor's 'sacrifice' was ultimately the thing that changed his family's lives for the better. His father was pushed out of slothful retirement, his sister found new life in a job outside of household chores and his mother learned to stand up for what she's worth; eventually they just seemed to develop a vitality they never had when Gregor was the sole breadwinner for the family.

Disturbing but intriguing huh?

Its 90% unnerving throughout the story.. Then suddenly its like light(!) at the end of the tunnel haha. (Of course thats purely taken in my own interpretation la). Im always on the lookout for Kafka now though; heh and my next target will be A Clockwork Orange. Yl got me all interested that time staying over.. But of course thats just upping the ante (and considering the speed im used to reading thats not very good :/)

Ive actually thoughts on more books, but later maybe..

Of Papercuts and Cock-Eyes

2007-08-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

I shouldnt be here blogging random stuff at this hour.
My sweet stolen minute ;)

But i'd just thought id like to say something about the thing thats been making me give rather on-the-spur desperate looks and utterings to some of my classmates.
Huayshan will say "ah yes i know i know... your art right?"
Yeah my art.
But what really qualifies me to go round spouting this word like newater from our taps?
One thing i can say for sure, for all those who've been asking me if im still alive these few days, is that yes, and im loving any single mmt of it:) i never thought my interest in this piece and this whole concept would last me as far as tody, but miraulously it has. I thought id get damned sick of my artwork, feel like puking etcetc. Heh, well this is one long lasting affair (whooo).

At the risk of sounding saccharine, (sucks eh, our skepticism) i do believe this is perhaps what we'd call passion:D

There.
I can sleep now.
Nighthawks everybody

2007-08-15T15:37:00.000+08:00

Just some trivia i came across in my battle to stay awake on the art notes :/
Copyrights go to huayshan ( i still cant decide whether you rock or you suck girl:p)

d'oh questions for d'oh people like me.
1.do histones have anything to do with history? why the similarity in name then?
2.tell me why we get full after eating? why can't we just eat non stop and still feel hungry?
3.do your toenails grow faster than your fingernails or do they grow at the same speed?
4.why isn't there a peanut-butter-and-kaya-and-scrambled-egg sandwich selling anywhere?
5.why can't we lick our elbows?

answers to d'oh questions from d'oh people like me.
1. Yeah. You get em' from over-indulgence in Southeast Asian History. Regularly flushed out with a certain TIACT.
2. Oh..I never really do get full. You do??
3. Brudder, your life must be pretty sad for you to actually want to determine this fact.
4. Hmm.. Well it has to be because the sandwich fraternity aint so big on the 'mixed blood' looks
5. and we aint no friggin giraffes. d'oh.

Back to my brain-addling art notes then ;)

2007-07-03T23:22:00.000+08:00

It wasn't my choice to let go either

It damn well hurt just as bad

It is still, and always will be my prayer that i learn to find true joy and strength to help out with the kids.
But there wont be much getting around the peel and heal process

2007-04-11T18:44:00.000+08:00

done with all thats happened.
done, but never forgotten.
but y'know i am renewed everyday when i see that the Lord's wonderful goodness never fails me? I begin to realise how i had, in the past, more often than not, dragged my feet to sunday service; how id seen many things as a duty, a job; how id got through each sunday perhaps barely seeing the people arnd me. Yeah sure id looked at them, but there was always this youre here and im taking it for granted kind of sentiment.

but now.
things are different.
faith is having the full assurance that God has planned everything to perfection for me.
it didnt seem like it at the time,
but now more and more,
it does:)

I've come to realise the true meaning of coming into His presence with joy, for i look forward to learning more, and as a result, then serving more in His will for me. Its like a whole new world has suddenly and wondrously opened up, a world that, probably, was blurred by the 'jobs' and expectations of before. Now im convinced we really have to put down everything and come to Him with one mind, then only do we experience true joy:)

id never thought id benefit from staying in a younger class, but somehow the lessons give me something new every week. id never thought that sermons hit bulls eye every week, now i see it does. id never thought simple games like scissors paper stone could make me do anything other than roll my eyes, but i laughed till i wanted to cry last week.
id never understood the idea of living out joy, somehow i seem to feel that more and more:)

let go.put down.turn your eyes upon Him.
its hard, and im not perfect
but it helps,
really.

2007-03-05T11:52:00.000+08:00

i guess i was wrong too

it took me by storm, even as id built up a wall of defence around my heart, put the nuts and bolts in place, secured the panels and slid the locks into place - i guess i left a loophole.

A huge hole has been gouged into my heart, more so as you were the very ones whom id built my ministry amongst the church youth around.
Its gonna take a bloody long time to heal
Tears dry up overnight
But scars, oh, they leave an everlasting mark

No doubt some will stay, and i truly thank God for them.
Yet i really dont know when, or how, i can become a mentor of sorts to the younger ones that are left.
Still, i believe God has a way of using me to bless others even in the midst of personal loss.
And it will be my constant prayer for God to hold me together and to move on with life

Say to those who are fearful hearted
Do not be afraid
The Lord your God
Is strong with His mighty arms
When you call on His name
He will come and save

He will come and save you
He will come and save you
Say to the weary one
Your God will surely come
He will come and save you
He will come and save you
He will come and save you
Lift up your eyes to Him
You will arise again
He will come and save you

Say to those who are broken hearted
Do not lose your faith
The Lord your God
Is strong with His loving arms
When you call on His name
He will come and save

Let this be some encouragement to everyone out there who shed tears for one reason or other.
He will save:)

2007-02-18T22:04:00.000+08:00

My long-anticipated new yr break is flying past rwarrrh!! heh i look forward to these like 4/5 days or so of disrupted routine but i spend my new years basically wasting my life away in some stuffy old chinatown house :p well i do appreciate and get used to the sitting around (stoning and letting the cantonese gabble wash over my head), but i really wish my so-called visitations were more interesting and busy (as in like go to one house, 'fang ge pi" then all-so-importantly get up and "make a move" to another house haha). Ohwells, at least today there was some form of pleasant interruption in the arrival of the new addition to the family; as well as my cousin's very amusing description of how to communicate with a 3yr old tyke during swimming lessons.

Him: whoa its really different communicating with kids that age man.. totally have to use a different language
Us: really? like how?
Him: like when teaching them to swim the breaststroke, cannot say push outwards like that (does the breaststroke movement). must tell them two circles and clap (does the same movement but this time with kid-voice and roll-eyes)
haha i tell you it was damn funny.

so when the lil baby got our attention, i managed to grab some shots of him. hope this turns out right://

Okay then basically im here to reply to tags la
CHNG HIGHNESS: haha yeah you have the honour lor.. ergh one of these days you just wait and see.. haha you really looking forward to visitation? but we not going shao's house got no kong-bak-pao and dumplings!!! :( not fun alr lor mwahah:P oh yea! i rem last yr when we were sitting on the bus after visitation we had this conspiracy thing going on. or some big secret or some big topic right? haha hmmm but this year i just go shirs hse can alr haha its like dont even have to get dressed nicely cos its so near, plus can wake up SO mauch later lor:P

YUEN HUAYSHAN: eh why you always say things wanna make me puke ah? i barely know you for two yrs you have this kinda effect on me - poison isit? heh ehhh isnt that what the Cardinal did to Julia?!
haha wa lau im no malcontent and pls wake up your idea youre not a chicken like julia lor! :P
cant wait for wed erh. and the message from peiying makes it so much worse. its like so what? if we dont pass you not gonna give us the jersey and jacket? haha im desperate know...

2007-02-10T20:25:00.000+08:00

aha! im back on account that the bloody tagboard has been restored WITHOUT the help of my stupid friend CHNG MEIYUN (muahah ill make sure the whole world knows about your bo-chap-ness:p)
but i still dont understand why blogger must do this with gmail. heh then i guess half the world has gmail now too..

anyway.
whats new.
still the same old boring life of train eat sleep art://
one thing's changed
our blazing ole friend mr sun is back to burn us to a crisp
the run was so bad this morning.so bad
the stitch came even before we'd run a kilometre
the pushups were neverending
and the last part was just absolute unglamness
(read: running lopsided with hair askew and clutching my sides)
i think i looked worse than the average plastic bag toting auntie running for the feeder bus:/
and then they told me not to go down for water just yet.
so there i was sunning my toes and listening to another version of ms ng's lectures..
not that i dont agree with what she said - its perfectly logical
its just sometimes i really wonder wheres the limit to push myself to.
the race to shave minutes of my running
to shove in a few more weights each gym is just burning me out.
i think its burning ching out too...
this morning we couldnt even row properly, im sorry
we even came so close to capping ergh.

I think this is for once i really look forward to the CNY festivities.
Nothing to worry about for at least 3 days
Just the mind-numbing routines of visitation
Hahah this is the perfect period: not so young that im fussed over by the elders yet not the age where they invariably start popping the marriage -> baby questions:)
= sit there watch the damn goggle box and try not to grow too fat before crosscountry
(ergh thats another topic you and i both dont want to go into)

i save a more meaningful post (read: one that doesnt just ramble on bout the just-shut-up-already trngs) some other day. oh and as a parting shot haha CHNG MEIYUN YOU STILL OWE ME ONE!!!

2006-12-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

It feels good to be talking to the same old friend and hearing the same old voice that once used to whine down the corridors of scgs:P haha okay la sam youre a lil less whiny now haha..
we combed the whole parco, then settled for this rather smoky table outside macs, all cos i cldnt bloody eat at any of the nice places. its sad that we have so little time for such get-togethers even during the holidays.. van alr flew off; sam's flying on the 16th and im flying on the 25th hah christmas itself:/ and our schedules can only get tighter.but ohwell there'll finally be a day when we all can make it:))

parting's always difficult. and ill never forget this one.

5 years ago we also went our different ways
And you went even further than where my friends are now
But ill never forget how you always made the effort
to keep us all together while the days lasted.
it was just part of that determined character of yours
I really dont think i have what it takes to do the same
but ill try anyway
thanks for the camaraderie
the days spent at your place
even the mere hours spent
whenever the wind blows you to this island
5 years later
Im glad to say
Youre still my friend
Love always

2006-11-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

almost back to neverneverland heh..
sometimes i never seem to be able to open this little white box to start typing.
but so many things have happened since promos ended.
I think its so ironic that promos seem to have been the most hmmm..how shld i say.. unproblemmatic time up till now. I swear the team's story is enough to fill up a book la; and an interesting one at that, the rate things have been going..

So, i unwittingly find myself in cross training and wondering every single time i start on one of those killer runs - what the hell am i letting myself fall into this deep shit for? and people arnd me are not making things easier by telling me to quit and all, and that im crazy for letting a certain someone manipulate me. But things are not that simple. Theyre never that simple. Then what abt all the blood sweat and tears invested? What abt the friendships made? What about the simple perseverance that is inherent in all of us that gives us the extra bit to push on even when we think we cannot anymore?

I didnt give up that day simply because I didnt want you to have to chance to gloat over my lack of stamina, and give you even more reason to dismiss SCGS girls. I dont like having to train the shit out of me, but I will do it just to show you that we kayak are made up of more than the dirt you perceive us to be; and also because, if I ever get the chance, to tell you that while you were watching me suffer, my Father in heaven was keeping just as close a watch on me, and it is only by His grace that ive pulled through everything so far.

Psalm 34:7
"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear HIm, and He delivers them."

2006-10-19T18:48:00.000+08:00

Rarr
the bloody tagboard has been down since forever! :/
Ching Meiyun you better do sth abt it!!

I think its so ironic that my hols during marking week dragged by, and the moment im back and sch everything jsut seems to fly abt so fast:/ don't that always say that the hols fly by? Thats a bloody lie. I cant seem to get a moment's rest from trng.pw.art.meeting up with people.etc and then theres ms hengs farewell to deal with. Not that im directly complaining that i have to do so much for her la, as in I am doing this from the bottom of my heart, but its just everything else combined thats makes it such a drag.

Well, at least i rather believe that yours truly should secure a promotion to the 18th level of hell next yr (damn this system) and proceed to burn in the fiery depths of flowery quotes; pencil sketches; demand-supply fluctuations; and argh mind-boggling sums:// well i dont even know if I shld be satisfied with my grade for art..afterall like the wise old mum said, i din even do art in the first place and should be thankful i still got this grade. Heh, okay la, im not really rueing the A missed, but more like abit indignant at the mark distribution for youknowwhat. Heh matong - i guess we just had to take comfort in the fact that ours was way better (right?) than the 14min youknowwhat la:p satisfaction counts ya?

2006-10-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

wordcount: 3102
verdict: approaching breakdown
vision: et screaming death and gloatingly bloodbathing our crisp white pages
sigh..
such is the nightmare of pw
ohwell all i take comfort in is that every loser in j1 is facing the same shit.

loser.
yeah why didnt i just get a life and sign into the lasalle camp?!
arghh. I cringe every single time I think of the moment they called to ask if I still wanted my place there and I stupidly blubbered no into the phone :/ and if i really do decide to go back there after this loser life here, its gonna be even more embarrasing to go through the same bloody interview.
Well okay i really do like the art part and i really thank God for mr tang. yeah he needs a new haircut, funkier specs and newer outifts but i really cant imagine art class without his trademark "huh?!" haha:) but it seems like more and more my art is getting me into deep shit. (Kalla i really dont hold you to that. really) its also pressure from elsewhere. guys im just a girl, not a maid.

Since im at it, i might as well say this for all and sundry to see
we artists are all weird people
we are best left to our own devices in terms of art
and we are not maids

Top 10 list of things to do:
1. claw my way back to fitness
2. attempt to compile ms heng's photobook
(in time for the farewell)
3. start coursework brainstorming!
4. Pig out with the pok
5. meet up with all the other poks
6. finish vanity fair (the novel)
7. buy the church guitar
8. watch my wu xia pian:))
9. get ching's present
10. spend some moolah:)

2006-10-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

psst..
something's over

heh okay well not exactly for me yet but ohwell, im already in party mode:)
so anyway i guess ill probably be here less often again, as we all wait with increasing trepidation for training to start in full force on monday:/ its been a good break, buts its time for the tough (and the not-so-tough like me) to get going again..sigh i really cant help but feel this stupid nagging fear, jus that lil bit everytime i read somewhere on somebodys blog that theyre all ready for training, trainings gonna be tough but just pia all the way. so much for all that running we did just before promos started. now its all back to square one.

please..let me have some time to watch my wu xia pian!!

good riddance

2006-09-23T22:26:00.001+08:00

Look, im sorry for slamming the damned door so hard but hey it wasnt targeted at anyone y'know? I guess it was just a realllyyy long day after running arnd sch and getting our video bloody erased twice for no apparent reason, and then all that shit just had to erupt in the room.. I really didnt mean it. And really, too, do you think marks mean so much to me? Im seriously just disappointed in the way things turned out. An i think YOU opened a pandoras box by letting us choose.
Dont people realise that all humans (being already born sinners) are inately selfish? Even more so this generation of spoilt brats. (check - i didnt deny that im part of this screwed up generation too) and isnt it bloody obvious that we wld want to choose the best option for ourselves? Well you cant blame me cos you were the one who asked me in the first place. I really had to fight back to urge to just scream and cry.
You know that?

Thank God for yunx and my mum really or i wld just have blown it.
Leave the rest to the Lord and He will take care of it

That night, i prayed really hard for Him to remove all the those thoughts from me; as well as trust that somehow judgement doesnt belong to me.
Well i guess you got your justs back yesterday:/
The 14min youknowwhat jarred my brain to bits. And im not in the least bit sorry about it

good riddance

2006-09-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

2006-09-18T14:09:00.000+08:00

Ive been falling asleep in classrooms with the rain dancing on the ground outside and weather blissfully dreary.
I think I would like the London life
I think I would like the happy grey skies
I think I would like feeling the chill on my nose
Something bimin said today brought back that feeling. "I'm beginning to have withdrawal symptoms for England now"
Bring it back:)

Aye i did the stupidest thing yesterday..left the darned house-key at home, kena stuck outside while waiting to meet the mumx)
Ended up waking dear old mabe from her aftn nap and crashing her hse:p
Thank goodness for frens that live just across the street
It was good to catch up again mabe! Just like those first three months
I guess when people are able to click it doesnt feel weird talking even after a period of not seeing each other. Is this called chemistry? Or Fate? Or just plain old Friendship? heh either way im grateful for it.
Which brings me to what ive been pondering lately.. Its true that in our lives we make all sorts of friends, but one always has that small handful of TRUE friends that stay on no matter what. I guess sometimes we expect too much out of mere good friends..Or maybe its just my own presumption that i always tend to drift farther. And I always find myself stepping onto the path of the lone ranger at the end of the day. But it comforts me somehow, that im in a world of my own. My thoughts my art and my guitar:)

Praying for this wet weather to hold up

2006-09-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

summer has come and passed

the innocent can never last

wake me up when september ends

2006-09-14T23:04:00.000+08:00

whoa.. April to September - its really been a long time since i last came here huh. and actually i dont even know why im back. I guess its just a whim, and okayokay credit to CHNG HIGHNESS the design is quite nice la:)
aye so many things have happened in the centuries this tiny lil space was left untouched. Yes yl the England trip was smashing:)- the best of many hols in a long time, and i really did just forget about everything back home and simply soak in the English air (I swear it did wonders to the cough plaguing me). obviously everything came crashing back down to earth when i returned la but thats another story altogether..heh.
And then there was Nationals!! Whoa am i thankful or am i thankful that we DIDNT cap in the final burst man. Haha i totally heard the crowd onshore gasp:p i think teo cldnt even bring himself to watch the phenomena haha.and then the dualthalon that was..okay i guess? But my running was really off that day, 2k mark already panting like shiat:/ thing is, i feel like my fitness REALLY started to improve after all that competition - i clocked just over 24 on mon!!!:)
And just recently there was GIB, and i have come to the horrible realization that i was probly one of the DIRTIEST internal heads arnd:/ heh the room is absolutely spotless now. and hell i won that stupid bet with cammie about how she wld make it to the exco. heh so much for all that whining eh girl? But somehow, this year the board just feels too young, too naive. Or maybe we were all like that last time but you never really notice it till you take the position of a bystander. and i never thought id say this, but sec4s - you've all really grown and matured after your term in exco. no more the the ditzy one, or the shy one, or the crappy jokes one. the year must have been a great one for you guys and im really proud:)

i guess thats just the major things that have happened and i do want to keep this bloody thing going..hopefully ill have more time now that trng's officially stopped

2006-04-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

aye
im in desperate need of a cough-slayer..job opportunity anyone?
heh shoot my bloody cough is driving me up the wall, maybe because i kinda have to turn up for trng tomorrow, and tuesday.and wednesday.and thursday. and needless to say - get fried to a darker shade of crisp on saturdays. Its actually all my fault for not taking enough care, i feel like slapping myself now. have been feeling so since tuesday. It came so fast, i didnt have time to react..i din even feel anything during gym on tuesday, but come home, then boom heh the rest they say, is history. And then i felt bad praying so hard that come sat id be well enough to row, afterall i didnt deserve it. but i guess thats where God's grace comes through ya? nobody is actually deserving, but i mean like i kinda ate wrong and didnt take care and all? All the same, His grace did see me through rowing-enough not to cap at every cough:p
Thank you Lord:)
ill be praying still

disappearing act

2006-04-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

yeah ive been highly mia these past few months
and yeah i really do want that little white timepiece with the 3 black stripes wuite badly:p
but then again, who would be free training 5 times a week? I really do like canoeing-people and all, but i guess im giving a large part of my life to it..least to say im being fried to crisp by saturday noon suns.
It began as more of a stay fit idea, but now it seems like competition is inevitable.. esp after peiying left.And obviously with competition comes the choice of which friggin category of boats to compete in, and who to partner. Either way its bringing back unpleasant memories in badminton, i guess the only difference now is im not so hard up? that solution works better for me - i perform under cant-care-less attitudes:p tried and proven.
Ever had the feeling of wanting sth so badly, being so damn wound up abt it and ultimately having it not turn out the way you wanted it? i cant really discern whether its better to focus so hard on a goal or to just heck and get through it asap. Heh..for one though, the one thing that i wanted damn bad came today:)showers of blessing at 5pm sharp:)) dont we all love the music of the raindrops? Well i did:)

2006-04-01T00:36:00.000+08:00

resurrection of themountainelf.blogspot

as promised,
eunice's blog will be updated from time to time.
like THIS (:

for all the wailing and complaining people on the tagboard:
she has been super busy with her new vj life i supposed.
but that's not an excuse!
afterall, six-pointers do not deserve any sort of sympathy, haha.

moving on,
eu~~nice~~ yip si en desperately needs a few kind souls to coax her mumster into buying her that white plastic-looking adidas watch that everyone has (hahaha). major part of the scheme includes some unoriginal drama in front of Mrs. poorthangYip that goes eunice! why are you late againnnn?! YOU REALLY NEED A WATCH MAN.
have i mentioned unoriginal?
k so, convincing actresses needed to get the act together.
REDDIE, YOU READY TO VOLUNTEER? or SHAO? maybe can rope the whole ho family in for some lying in church to a prominent Sunday School teacher whose daughter is very in need of a tick tock wrist-clock.

some amendments to the blog entry below.
did the woman say that this is HER blog?
oh sorry you made a mistake!
haha you know what, i'm enjoying myself (:
so probably, i'll come in here rather frequently to make speeches (:

- her royal highness.

2006-02-04T16:50:00.000+08:00

Hello 2006:)
Its been one hell of a ride since we ushered in the new year with cheers, champagne, fireworks and whatnot. (Which, btw, explains my absence since goodness-knows-when.) Anyway, like i said, it's not been easy dealing with bronchitis, missing virtually all of orientation and nearly 2weeks of sch (:p) and having to fumble my way arnd the nooks and cranies of vj when i finally did get back on track. Until i came to know 06A13:) you guys rock mann..and i guess thats the best thing that couldve happened in my short life at vj:) I believe one day when ive moved on and I happen to look back, ill be glad to have happy, crazy memories of my time spent at vj and with this wonderful bunch of *peeps* (haha)
It's made my decision to leave harder y'know? It makes the urge to stay even stronger.. ohwell.. my minds made up though. For the time being, i really do look forward to each day - watching lynette break out in sudden cranky laughter in the LTs; bitching endlessly during breaks with oh-so-scandalous-kenny leading the way:p; suppressing giggles when the weird droning starts during mr panic-attack's class, causing him to become even more nervous; and of course, more entertainment during eat-out lunches and dinners. I guess im really blessed to find myself in this class, seeing as some unfortunate others have quite abit of *ahem adjustments.

Im enjoying myself too much. The thought of uprooting and moving on to a totally different environment has been pushed to the recesses of my conscious brain, further and further back each day. Im scared stiff. but its the path ive chosen and i simply cant look back and pretend nothing has happened. It has. And theres no escape, only temporary relief. I have placed this matter into the hands of the Lord, but sometimes its just so hard to ignore the repeated qns of 'what if' in my head. Thats what faith and temptation is about. and im scared that i dont have what it takes to last me through the next 3yrs. its hard to live a truly christian life..people question why we cant do this cant do that, or even worse, question why we dont seem to live like christians. And im praying constantly for His strength to last me through each day..its actually never failed, but y'know how humans tend to have that little disbelieving thought stuck in our heads and i feel so guilty each time i doubt and he delivers:( but we still persevere on, with the single faith that our Lord Jesus Christ has prepared a place in His kingdom for us - the ultimate prize.
I really need to work on my faith.

Thanks for now,
thanks for the future too, Lord:)

2006-02-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

Hi all.

I'm not one to conform to repeated reminders that my blog is outdated y'know. Wait..did i say MY blog? Yeah its MINE rarr so i post as and when i please, no? Just to re-iterate: this is not a-detailed-analysis-of-how-my-life-went-today kinda blog so i cant and i wont possibly visit this little white box everyday to roll out the going-ons in my life. So there.

2005-12-31T22:34:00.000+08:00

Church camp has drawn to a close, yet i believe it has also marked the start of a whole new chapter for many of us in our spiritual lives.I hope. Anyway being me i am simply too lazy to give a detailed diary of the whole camp but shall attempt to extract some interesting exerpts from the depths of my limited memory space:p
Day 1:
. "Where would you like to go to most for your honeymoon?" Weiling: New Zealand!! haha BIGG hint to marcus
. Darn.The shower gel that has not been touched for more than a yr turned into a mixture of clumps and watery fluid.
. All hail the appearance of the mighty flying cockroach that reduced the girls to screaming hysteria and the guys to removing their slippers and aiming for that huge brown spot languishing on the ceiling. It escaped, by the way.
. I've never eaten so much hor fun for supper..though i was picking off from everybodys share since they couldnt finish.

Day 2:
. It rained and it rained and it rained. We were stuck on the "peak" of Bukit Timah Hill enshrouded in mist waiting for the darn rain to clear..but the walk down was fun:p
. Results of the rain getting to our heads: Darius=Doris (the carry-all maid), Jonathan=Joanna, Rufford=Rachel, WZ=Wendy, Him=Heidi:), me=Eugene (eww), Yu'an=Lex, Lirong=Larry, Meiling=Melvin, Yunx=Yamashita hahaha (er the haha part not included:p) and so on..
. Results Partll : the introduction game involving our "new" gender had all the guys posing bimbos haha superly spastic
. Serious part: the repentance session was like WHOA. i really do hope i keep to what i have decided.

anyway its a cold and sleepy New Year's Eve for me..Im still trying to chase the sleep that has eluded me for the past few days. whatever to the countdown. Ill be cheering you guys on in my snores:)

PS: Day 3 and 4 another time if i feel like it

2005-12-13T13:25:00.000+08:00

Fleeting glimpses of what the last 2 months have entailed are whats left of a hectic roller-coaster ride. I guess im tired and i just wish that things could come to a standstill with a flick of the finger.
Either way, i dont deny that i havent experienced God's hand working in and through me in most of my endeavours throughout these last 2 months. He has indeed been more merciful in ways that i would never have expected and in more instances than i would have even dreamed of. Take Standard Chartered. Down 3 days before D-day with slight fever and indigestion, barely recovered to find Mother Nature knocking on my door. (For the uninformed, cramps are definitely not something you wanna get esp in the middle of a 10k run). Actually i was expecting it but just hoping that my prayer would go the way i wanted it to. Obviously not. I guess that wouldnt have extended my faith, or stretched it for that matter if everything had gone on fine. But anyway, it took LOTS of faith and struggling before i decided to go ahead and leave the rest to Him.Suffice to say, God never fails to deliver. What had been crippling pain the day before after just 1+ km of warmup translated to a steady painless jog for most of the race. Thank you Lord:)
By the way since im on to Standard Chartered, it was absolutely great. It just feels different..as if the hundreds of runners surrounding you are exuding some kind of propelling force, and all you have to do is just coast along with the surge of energy:) definitely better than huffing and puffing through the paces at east coast. Anybody interested in StanChart 2006?

2005-10-22T16:51:00.000+08:00

As we go on
We remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change come whatever
We will still be friends forever

friends forever?
novelty dies off like the fading of a sunset
the ebb of a receding tide..
yeah sure while the confetti's still swirling and the champagne's still flowing the promises of 'friends forever' and 'meet up soon' hang on the edges of everyone's lips, spilling over without much thought, yet how soon is 'soon'? 1month at first? Then a year? Then 10yrs? Fairy dust works its magic just that once.. whatever we stir up in the future will be remnants, memories that languish on the windowsill of our conscious mind. Its not that i dont believe or look forward to the days of our reunion, its just the difference that will hang between us, a transcient curtain, inconspicuous but there all the same. At sweet sixteen, decked out in the identical uniforms that mark us as a product of the same factory, our ideals, hopes and very lives arent that different (and im not referring to the "What I wanna Be when I GrowUp" crap). Then the factory realeases us, products of the same batch but bound for different destinies. Do we cross paths again? hopefully among the tightly bonded ones. Certainly the eight of us i hope.
Sharm to welcome us into one of her highly acclaimed chain of cafes, ever the enterprising business woman;
Van striding in, sharp as the minute hand on her cartier, confidence billowing in her wake - the rising 'Woman MP of the Year";
Clara, well, being Clara giggling over our highly censored topics of conversation;
Yuelin with no, not kids but her award-winning publications in tow, a steady stream of rings and beeps on the mobile calling her to book launches and seminars;
Sam keeping up the juggling act with a flourishing career AND the 'soccer mum' bit;
Lyn prancing in, her Prada bag hanging off one arm and her version No.2 (bimbo in the making) hanging off the other, WHILE making arrangements for yet another mahjong session;
Mich hot-footing it in with her oh-so-preetteh Nine West heels, an Hermes clutch to rival Lyn's Prada, the Shenton executive turned man-eater on saturday nights;
And lastly,me. Me the ever-cynical oddball designer (albeit pauper) sliding out self-engineered invitations to the launch of my latest line of apparel.
Dream we all can. Dictating it to Fate we all try so hard. Having it perfect nobody can and nobody will.
Well,we'll all see.
Adieu my friends

2005-10-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

Humans are a selfish lot

Anything that works towards our advantage is a cause for celebration

anything that has nth to do with us -

you aint stickin your ass in to it

either that

or you aint so happy others are getting something out of it

shit.

and i cant admit that i dont behave like that

i do.

its not as if i havent already got what i wanted

you jus want more

and more..

but then again i find myself not really caring bout such things anymore

today jus felt so..

senseless.

i think theyre giving us too much

and then i tell myself to block out such feelings

jus get your thing done and to hell with whatever

well at least it doesnt matter to me anymore

im trying so damn hard to run away

and others are trying so damn hard to get it

maybe i will regret it in the end

just maybe.

2005-06-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

woohooo..

holidays *ahem* it should be corrected as horrordays

are disgusting.

sad.

erghh.

forgive me for the wide range of vocabulary..

well its understandable considering the fact that i jus sat -

or rather, slept

through abt 2hrs of chinese lesson

with such interesting topics that even the martians on well,Mars would be fighting to affix their arses on the oh-so-comfortable chairs of the LT.

oohhoo

forgive me again.

Firstly the effects of starwars hasnt quite worn off

and then again im not in the best of moods.

ohwell back to cheerier topics -

jo!! was great to see you havoc granddaughter again after sooo long

haha and all my err..extended family?!

haha

well i must say that your so-called 'granny' is erm quite wacky

supposing that 'she's a grand old dame of..well i dunno:p

2005-05-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

Camelot rocked mann:p

everybody should go watch:)

unless you have piles and cant sit for long cos its a MARATHON!!

haha

really

its worth it:p

2005-05-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

i have finally managed to drag meself here to post..

Harr

its been a longlong week.

Especially all that happened last weekend

Arghh

really dun like the way things are going

are we really gonna cancel fundraising?!

Fine

Maybe ill just sit back and watch as events unfold

and stop being so friggin involved in everything.

doesnt make a difference does it?

Not as if i havent been worrying my ass off tryiing to think of how to get the birthday celebrations done

ohwell i guess it was my fault for procrastinating

thats wad im best at la:/

Ehehs

on a brighter note

there was some strange stuff about blogg slander today

haha

mrs lee is superly cute!

the way she said it was yes, serious,

but also highly amusing

looks like some people need a good dose of mouthwash

or others need a bad case of sore eyes :p

2005-04-18T18:18:00.000+08:00

im on a downloading spree..

i found a treasure trove of fonts!!

I seem to have lost any form of motivation to study

it's like on a 'feel like it basis'

or rather a 'got homework have to finish' basis

anyway its everything but self motivation.

haha

i cant even motivate meself to come here to blog..

O___o

had a bad day today..

arghh im sorry but i didnt think it was neccessary to ask your holiness for permission before i start speaking.

she was kinda pissed.

but so was i okay?

just hope that she doesnt report this.

y'know, were all humans.

im so sick of listening to this, following that..

and then i let it out in church

its wrong but its the only venting point.

i cant say no in school

already said that 'yes' in secone and ive come so far

yet on sundays i just seem to feel the urge to just keep saying 'no'.

Im sorry.

2005-03-30T18:44:00.000+08:00

wahaha i figured out the chords for that song.

hmm..that song is soo not me

but as long as the chords are nice

haha..

An interesting exerpt from our phenominally stoned history lessons:

mrstan: Girls, do you know there's such a thing as 'sex for milkpowder' in countries where the UN peacekeeping troops are based?

us:*gasp* eww..

mrstan: yes! its true girls.

my conclusion: if the women there are so desperate that they can only turn to sex in exchange for milkpowder to feed their babies,

then wouldnt

MORE SEX=MORE BABIES=MORE MILKPOWDER=MORE SEX=BACK TO SQUARE ONE?

haha

just some food for thought.

.TreeTopWalk.

2005-03-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

The walk on saturday was good:) just looonnngggg.haha

It felt gd to be so far away from civilisation, surrounded by water and trees..okay and maybe some cheeky monkeys:/

i cant believe i actually completed like 15km?!

haha and lyn was zonked out by the time we reached the walk itself

Hahah and the look on her face when she realised that we had to go all the way from where we came after the treetop walk was priceless!!:))

actually i almost died hearing that too.

i thought we were gonna go round in a circle!!

Ohwells the treetop walk itself was rewarding though.

it felt great to be walking so high up in the air and looking down into the forest

haha and i kept thinking of that a scene from crouchingtigerhiddendragon:p

Its quite sad to be scared of heights

with the likes of zelei and sam and lyn squealing their lungs outand not being able to enjoy the nicenice scenery surrounding us.

yeahh

it was worth it la

despite all the huffing and puffing

i reallyy wanted to stay up there and not move..

maybe they shld design a 'treetop' lunch or sth:))

haha

complete with bananas:p

had fun walking with my buddy:):)

haha and trying to walk in sync after being attached to one side of the headphones each:p

seriously I'd give alot to be up there again.

flagselling was crap

as usual

nyehehs just that this time we were 'cleverer':p

haha slacking on the job is always promoted by me

haha but i think me and lyn screwed up on covering up for each other:))

2005-03-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

found a new Cd in the PA thingy today

well I guess it worked better than the pokkaided tape that we used to freakout over:/

arghh.

I'm bloody pissed at the chinese teachers.

ESP ms pigeon-neckO.o

like wth la.

Say so if u don't like us

but don't do this to us

We were definitely better than you know whos and jus cos u guys wanted to give them a chance and have an 'equal ratio' in the final placings

doesnt mean you can throw your stupid weight (literally) arnd

and not consider us rite?!

I mean like yeah we used our own music la.

not like some people who got their asses in jus cos they mouthed the loud music

yeahyeah go ahead

say all you want about foong not singing loudly enough

hey shes not even trained and she did well in the chorus la

wadeva.

this sucks.

and i'm beginning to hate fengrong more and more with the passing of each chi lesson

she was being super irritating today

din wanna give our papers back

cos our qn ppr got stuck somewhere in the mountaineous heap that she calls a desk

i just felt like screaming at her and storming outta the classroom.

get a life man.

Not lookin' forward to this

You shldn't either...

2005-03-08T18:44:00.001+08:00

2005-03-08T18:44:00.000+08:00

2005-03-07T16:30:00.000+08:00

bio test sucked bigtime

so did history

gahh.

whats the point of dragging your butt outta bed everyday

when you know that you'll only be walking into more trouble?

i wish dreams would come true

woulndt be stuck in this lousy place then

haha

wishful thinking

and i need to make a decision

to others

they need only to look straight ahead and carry on walking.

For me

i face a forked path

and nobody's telling me where to go.

but i rather it be this way

isnt it better knowing the path you wanna take?

Rather than blundering blindly down the road everybody's taking

and ending up regretting?

i dunno.

Talked to ms loo today

and what she said brought me to a sudden realisation

maybe i will regret

maybe i wont

i really dont know..

but it seems the only thing for me

right now i guess.

ohwell anyway thanks meiyun for the help with this wreck of a blogg:)

i will still need to fix it up some more

maybe nextime..

2005-03-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

.dilemma.

2005-02-22T04:25:00.000+08:00

gahh list for RMUN is up aredy and i cant decide whether to go for it or not!! *somebody help me* and wosre still sharm and ap the veterans kept giving me different opinions. but maybe i should trust sharm la.. haha afterall ap said it wasnt stress but look who came down with hives in the end huh? hahahas okay:/:/

Ohh lunch ystdy was crappy:))) haha stoopid pokkanehneh kept dripping dessert on the nice white tables*wink* haha now i noe who canot drink stuff properly:) haha yeahh we were being super crackedpots.. over what i cant even remember haha but this is becoming somewhat of a custom aredy huh? Heheh except the last time we had lunch was at like crystal jade?! haha ripoffff:/ and i was like heyy we wearing uniform!! Paiseh to go in la!! haha and they all dragged me into the place:/ haha.. yepyep ehhslinyu youre making my money leak mann.. haha gahh i have a thousand lunch dates to attend to:))) wheee not that i dun enjoy them.. jus that its getting rather ex eating at comfortable places nowadays..anyway i went out with church frens on sunday:) whee haha we totally pigged out at mos then at the tze char shops opposite the rd after that*wink* haha though i din go for the tze char meal:) haha and guess wad i was like the youngest of all of them.. ohwell but it wasnt too badd.. din really feel anything. hehe it was actually supposed to be an all girls thing but marcus the pok wanted to gatecrash and join his girlfren:/ haha we contemplated moving over to swensons and makingg him foot the bill:p haha nahh shir came to haha and they made me tell them the 'mimi' joke again!! nyehehs i tink aunty biqing almost died when she heard it..her mouth was like O haha heyy i din mean it for her ears loh..yupyup so after mos we went shopping arnd the edge..the new extension at bugis. i think that place is really pathetic can?! gahh only except for freshbox:))) [i love their tshirts!!] haha the rest was like errhuhur..

i realise i suck at turning on the friggin stove at home:///bleghhs i just couldnt turn the damn thing on ystdy haha im like such a loser rite..gahh i only heard the gas escaping but there was no fire. *why cant we get a bunsen burner?!*haha then ill be able to light it as many friggin times as u want me to:p haha i was super scared that the leaky gas would blow up in my face..for wad reason i also dun noe but ohwell she made me practice it again and again until the fire came out:/wahaha so now u guys noe i suck at cooking..ill probably burn down the whole kitchen jus trying to boil some water:p wahaha maybe thats why i failed most homeecons tests:))

eunice is hungryy and waiting for her lunch!!

2005-02-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

Okays this will have to be quite short..arghhhs havent been in here for quite long aredy.. gahh im still tryng to bail out of the aftermath of cny festivities.. haha ergh i dont know why but im beginning to not like the cny food and goodies anymore except of course the nicenice buffet meal :) waha i like totally stuffed myself full*dies* and it didnt help that i had the biggest eater in my mother's family seated opposite me:p hurhur

yup ohh to all exco: I think we all had a wonderful time today watching that hilarious show and piggin out sumore AND drooling over the walk-in wardrobe:) haha yupyup hmmms... we shld have more such sessions in future to de-stress!!! :) *beegsmile* haha okay really i enjoyed the time spent with all u guys..wahah and the topics that we seem to wander into in our conversations always seem to be weird yet strangely interesting:p and the best thing was i got to miss seeing somebody i really din wanna see cos i was out when they came to visit this afternoon:) nyehehehs..so there mann:/ ahah but im feeling quite bad though.. grr sam i missed visiting somebody cas someone dragged me arnd centerept and p.s to look for 'inspirational' puzzles?! haha no offence sam gahh but someone else was quite disappointed that i din go and visit her.. ohhwell i guess people become like that when they're older.. yeahh so next yr i diedie mus go visit her..

mmm im really not looking forward to another week of crap.. gahh its like super anti-climax after so many days of fun and slacking:/ *boohoo* i guess theres nth to look forward to aredy.. maybe the march hols which are like an eternity away and besides, im v.sure that the crazy tchrs will glady take this chance to stuff us with you-know-whats:/:/

Disorientated Orientation

2005-01-11T17:29:00.000+08:00

okaes i know this update on sec1 orientation is rather late..but i had to digest the whole episode and sundays are always a mad rush as usual..

Sec1s this year are..weird.. i dunno well yeah saturday's experience wasnt one that id like to remember cos i was so friggin disappointed with the gals.. ok so ya this isnt much of an update cos im nt gonna go into elaborations about the things that went on. All i wanna say is the THE ORGANISERS DID A GRREEAATTTTT JOB!!!! nice show guys:) i think it was a great effort put in:p especially for my buddy nat*cheers* yup u did a great job coordinating everything!:) so i guess thats one wheww over.. next major thing will be like in the middle of prelims so dun noe whether i can enjoy it properly:/ ohwells i always end up fooling around in the end *wink* haha

aha but i did think that everything went like a dream after the long morning running around with the sec1s :):) haha ok lame but the lunch tasted greatt though it was chicken rice as usual and i became sampok's fantong again:P haha whats new mann.. then invest after that was superly good.. haha i think we work better under pressure knwing that we havent much time to spare cos invest has been cut dwn by like 9 days?! wth..yup i guess all the scene changes and acting went like whoooshh and i was having fun poking around backstage while waiting for my scenes cos i was gg hyper and talking crap:) haha ohh and laughing at how jess pronounces 'bodies' as bou-dees X) hahahaha sorry jess but its realllyyy hilarious:p yup hhahah and not forgetting sam stuffing her nose into the floor trying to breakdance *wahahah*

tmr another technical..wheee haha msleong agreed to lend me her acoustic and straps and amp!!! nicenice then tmr during technical can plug everything in and see how it sounds:)

.madness.

2005-01-04T15:32:00.000+08:00

reality has just hit home. sch's started and dis year is so not gonna be nice o.o gahh why do i feel like im so old.. ok but its quite strange thinking of me and the others being like sec4 and the oldest in the whole of sc.. haha like we might as well jus go off aredy.

urghh i dun think the day started off on the right note cos as sam mentioned in her blog we got two freakin new teachers and *ahem* but i seriously have a problem wif one of em..wth mann and mrschow just had to resign at this time:/ yeahh haha but the start off class was quite funny cos mrsneoh was being superr dramamama and making sam have laughing fits:) ohh and im like sitting wif ap?!!?! haha no offense but she always seems to be the only short girl ending up at the back of the classroom cos we're always comin in late on the first day. okays i dun wish to talk about the bigg mess dis morn 'cept that it got mrang rather pissed and his face was like 'bao gong' :/ hehs and the day was superly BORING cann?! gahh and i think i took at least 10 trips to the staffrm and back la O.o AND worse still SOMEBODY [haha] in the friggin staffrm totally maluated me in front of like dozens of teachers and im like wth?! haha ok that and the fact that ive managed to get an acoustic and elec!!!! haha still dunno how ill adapt to it though.. havent tried those kinda strings yet so im kinda not sure.. hah ap's gonna kill me so totally if i cant play for invest*wink* yup stil practising hard for the theme cos it has ALOT like ALOT of strumming and jamming changes :s wahaha and we have so little time left!!

hmm i stil got the friggin' chi. hmwrk to complete and the same @#*^# teacher.. so its off the do the dreaded piece of work then chill out sumore:p

sore fingers

2004-12-31T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hurhur my fingers on the left hand are red and sore and yet im still typing this.. all thanks to you april!! haha ive finally found a more or less suitable way to tackle the theme song!!! :p *cheers* haha i did the jamming bit and it sounded fine for the prechorus:) grrreattt now i have a blister on the most important finger of all and it doesn't look like its gonna burst any time soon.. erghhs

anyhow i think today's session was quite good though it was longggg and was super stoned when i got home O.o hehe the drums came up today and the drummers [tiif and meiyi] are goood:) yeap its quite sad though that they hardly get to play any songs.. I still think that the theme song should have drums incorporated.. ohwell haha at least the rock version of the sc sch song sounded quite nice but i think its gonna make ms heng FLIP la o.O

i didn't treasure it when i had it
now its gone and i find myself longing after it......

frustrated

2004-12-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

Gahh..the irritating cough just wont go away..yesyes i've been through this before but its so tiring to have to cancel activities and go to the stupid doctor. Okay so the doctor isn't stupid..i guess i should have known better than to let all this crap start.

Sometimes i just wanna run away. Away from this mundane life..my life?

Okay stop sounding so depressed :p actually on the brighter side of life, i managed to find a pair of sneakers yeasterday!! haha and blew the hole in my mum's pocket :) considering that im already highly broke this month due to the christmas festivities..haha im getting quite good at wheedling stuff outta my mum, though she doesn't always eat my crap. just that i feel quite bad making her run all over town with me cos we had to go to another branch to get the size that i wanted :p haha sometimes i don't know what to think of mothers. They can get superrr naggyyy at times but also willing to do many other things for you.. hmm that should be enough food for thought..

Alright, looking forward to the new comp, a welcome change from this old wreck.

december blues

2004-12-27T10:19:00.000+08:00

why is it that the anticlimax from christmas always seems to set in so fast?
anyway, fact is that the hols are ending and the cycle of a new year will start once more.. Arghh

.wishing well.

Of Papercuts and Cock-Eyes

good riddance

good riddance

disappearing act

.TreeTopWalk.

.dilemma.

Disorientated Orientation

.madness.

*sore fingers*

frustrated

december blues

sore fingers